In order to train in self-sufficiency, I vowed to give up Krav Maga for 21 days.

Then I chickened out and decided to go down to 14 days.

It’s the fifth day and I’m withdrawing hard. I want to take the noon class so badly.

I’m in a seminar right now, discussing survival training and all I can think about it is how much I really want to hit something.

I have a Zumba class at the same time. I love Zumba. I really love to dance. And knowing me, I’ll end up sitting and watching unless someone is holding me accountable.

Also, I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be able to resist temptation. I am supposed to be able to try new things.

Still, Krav Maga is my weakness and my strength.

I miss my tribe. I miss those people who have made the last thirty-three months so magical.

I miss my teacher. I’ve always been very grateful that I really have one of the most qualified teachers in the USA. I deeply respect him and I enjoy being in his classes.

Okay, some of it is that I miss the therapeutic yelling things at my teacher every time he says “belly” and knowing that because of Zoom, I’m not being rude. If he reads this, I’ll maintain it’s training myself to use the voice.

So, my paradox.

If I go to Krav Maga training, I’m not being disciplined and strong.

If I don’t go to Krav Maga training, I’m missing out on excellent training. Also, is it really me being strong or being lazy?

Thirty minutes to decide.

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I miss these guys.

UPDATE: I’m taking the class because I imagined what my teacher would say to me.

“You clearly need to do training. You’re overthinking. You’ll work on self-sufficiency long-term, but if you need to be held accountable now, use the class for the time being. Now, yalla, start sweating creatively, and work out all this anxiety.”

When he returns, I’ll ask him if this was correct.

I’m 99.99% convinced I nailed it.

Writer, lawyer, Kravist, friend

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